[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:05] Speaker B: You're listening to casual talk radio where common sense is still the norm whether you're a new or long time listener. We appreciate you joining us today. Visit [email protected] and now here's your host, Ler. [00:00:21] Speaker A: Hello and welcome. Yes, it's true, I did skip a week for upload. There's a very good compelling reason why this was true. Thank you for continuing to listen. Thank you. If you're returning, thank you and welcome. If you're new, I'm going to be revisiting something I said quite a while ago. It was like a year and a half ago because I was listening to somebody else and something that they said resonated with me to the point I felt that I should revisit what I said in that episode. I'm going to summarize what I basically was talking about. It had to do with people who get married quick and people have kids quick and the decisions, the thought any, you know, did you think it through, how long did you learn a person, etc. And so on specifically talking about having kids. This that I was listening to, I don't want to cite it because the vast majority of what this person was talking about is not relevant and I would argue probably piss people off. I'm, I'm pulling out one like snippet of what they said as a compelling topic to go through. It had to do with bloodline legacy. The gist of what this person was saying, and it is a female ironically, is that there are so many women, predominantly younger women, who were seeking out alternate forms of getting pregnant. I'll state it that way and that some of these forms were not consistent with maintaining bloodline. So that's why I'm trying to phrase it in a way that's a little bit more acceptable to the mainstream because it wasn't about any one group per se. This person which was female was having a conversation with a person who is a male post detransition. So this male at one point called himself female. Detransition to male had been an escort and was telling the story about why he got into escorting pre the transition. So I'm going to break down the whole story now that you understand the topic. And it took a while because I was trying to make it more acceptable to the mainstream. But his story was he from a young age was sexually abused at some point. So he even said himself that he was groomed. Right? That was the term he used and that he felt that he actually was female. He took a normal job. And he felt at the workplace that he was not treated the same as other people once he started transitioning, that people are starting to mistreat him. He then decides to go into escorting. So now he's transitioned. He decides to go into escorting because he didn't feel that he could hold down a regular job because he felt like he was going to be discriminated against and that he didn't have any rights, didn't have any protections. He then tells the story that he was going to hook up with what's referred to as a butch lesbian just for the purposes of having children, because he wanted to have it the natural way. And he saw others that had done transition do adoption because that's what their friends were telling them to do. Adopt, just adopt some kids because you're transitioned, so you shouldn't really, you know, give birth like that. And he felt this is what he said spurred him to the transition, was that the fundamentals of childbirth were still the same for him. The biological truths that create life were still true for him. The Christianity that he was raised with that taught him these values were still there. And he himself acknowledged that there was a lot that happened, and he was ultimately confused in his own skin. And he was brought to detransition through this realization of the biological truth. So that's the story. That's the broad story of this whole thing. But he also said, as part of this conversation around why not to adopt and why to do it the natural way. He also said he saw certain families, trans or otherwise, that would lead to adoption simply because it gave them the ability to raise children. Even though they could have done it natural, they chose not to. And this person, this person that detransitioned, said one of the things that really burns me about our culture in the past, we were looking to make sure that our bloodline continued. And we create legacy and we pay it forward and pass down generation to generation. And we've lost a lot of that now. Do I agree with that statement? Absolutely. Do I agree with his reasoning? I don't know. I'm on the fence because I've always felt that a lot of the way that childbirth was done decades ago made it more tolerable to have more children. When the government saw a steep decline in the childbirth rate, they started throwing all sorts of incentives to your tax filing to try to re incentivize you to have kids, more kids. And it hasn't worked. It only works for immigrants. Immigrants are more likely to have a significant number of children compared to natural born. The reasoning to me is again, in the past, I think the method of child rearing was so significantly different. We no longer have the same type of acceptance of the gender role, number one. Number two, I think there's a resistance because of the process that women go through on the table. Number three, there are concerns, financial concerns, valid financial concerns. Number four, I think a lot of young women see mothers with unruly brats and they decide in their mind, yeah, I'm not going to do that. And so it sells them away from it. So you take all that and then eventually you might get some relationship where there's a reluctant acceptance to have at least one child. Then there may be a decision that you know from one or both of them. I want a daughter, I want a son. And then it doesn't work because you're gambling. Right. You can't control that per se. And when it doesn't work, then eventually there's a decision to have another one to try again and eventually give up. That the motivation is different than just legacy or bloodline. It now more is a reluctant acceptance to have children after the fact. It's not. Or the so called baby fever. There's just a desire to have kids. But it, it wanes as you experience life. Or some women are just in their career so much that it's by the time they mentally would settle down enough to do it, it's kind of past that, that key period of fertility that happens a lot. I'm suggesting, is it true that, that we don't have anywhere near the level of childbirth that we did? Absolutely. Is that a symptom of just anything specific other than the basics of finances? I think there's more to that and I also do see more on the adoption versus doing it natural. So in other words, I agree and disagree. But then this person said something very interesting. He said to women, he's speaking to women when he says this. He says, you know, the best thing to do is if you do want to have kids, if you decide to do it, that's fine. Just make sure you do it naturally no matter what, no matter what you got to do, have it naturally. Because that culture, that legacy, that bloodline is lost if you don't. And if you choose to just adopt because let's say you're single, why ever you do, why, why can't you just do it naturally? Now there's all sorts of techniques, medical techniques and procedures to kind of support this process. But I think what this person was saying, I think what he was saying is, and this is something I've always been, been curious about and I've never had somebody who was conversational to this degree to have that talk. I've always been curious why the decision to have children was always predicated on either a condition to marriage or post marriage as a binary decision. It was, there was never an in between, for example, to say I've got somebody who I met somewhere and we're really good friends of the opposite gender and we're close enough friends and I feel good enough about that person that we can have the conversation and we can decide to do it. I understand the ramifications of even suggesting such a thing. I talked about financial, certainly that's going to play. I talked about just the feeling, you know, going through the medical procedures and there's all sorts of obligations, kind of self serve obligations. There's family acceptance. Then there's the fact you can't really control to it most part who you're attracted to. There's layers and layers of blocks that are in the way of making such a simple decision. I, I don't like it is that. But I accept that it is that, that it. There's so much that blocks the human mind away from such a simple decision that you now, when I say you, I mean the female you now are playing a kind of game, a tug of war. Inside yourself there is what you want, which is to be a mother. You understand the child is best reared with a father. The father does not necessarily have to be somebody you are married to. But you understand how much harder it is when you do not have that duality. If you did find somebody who was on that same wavelength as you and said yes, I'm cool doing that, then this is where other things get in your mind and they block you moving forward. Thinking about, well, it's just my friend, we shouldn't be doing that because it's just my friend. Where does that come from? It comes from the conventional belief around intercourse which has roots in religious beliefs. Religious beliefs ultimately are connected through the way that we interact people with people. You should not do X unless Y is true. I don't want to say laws, but they are kind of unspoken understandings between people that you wouldn't just go around, you know, that's why we have the word whore slut. Right. But are you a whore? It's open question. Are you a whore? If you and a friend of the opposite gender come to a mutual decision that you both want kids, you just don't want the Commitment, per se, of a full time relationship, but you agree to raise the child together, does that make you a whore because you made that commitment? I'm saying that what this person suggested initially caught me for a loop until I thought it through. He's simply saying, if the desire to have a child is stronger in you than to desire to have a, a committed relationship, is that wrong? He's, he's basically asking that question. He's saying, is it so wrong if you really want to have a child, and you do, if you can find somebody who you're on good terms with, good relationship with, if it feels good, you're not, you don't have to have any sort of hard commit per se, but you just, this is what you want, then why not do it? Because in this guy's opinion, that's better than just adopting. Because although adoption has its own positives, from a karma perspective, keeping things inside the bloodline, keeping things inside the culture is something important that we've lost over years. So I'm not giving a call of action, you know, I'm way past all that. I'm, I'm saying I was fascinated by the suggestion, by the thought that yes, that could be a thing. And society is nowhere on that mental wavelength that so many people are convinced there's only one right way of doing stuff. They're not open to anything else different than what they've been told, which is the nuclear family, right, the religious norms, the traditions. Because the whole concept of a shotgun wedding. Right, comes from those norms. And that anything outside of that is shunned. It's looked down upon by society. It's fascinating, but at the same time it's disheartening because it is true that there are some women, single, who would love to be mothers, but they, if they turn to adoption, and that's fine if they do, but if they turn to it, you know, they're, they're kind of forced into a choice because of what they want, or they have to settle for somebody that they really are not, I don't want to say not attracted to, but they're not fully compatible with, in a relationship just because they want kids. There are tons of celebrities, they're like that. I would argue Kim Kardashians won. I don't know for sure, but that's what it seemed like because it didn't make any sense for her to end up with Kanye. In my read of it, I got the sense she just wanted to be a mother. I was a mother. I, I saw no such Compatibility between the two of them whatsoever the whole time. And I think that's just the case, that a lot of women, they get to a point where, okay, this person's good enough, they get into a relationship, they have kids. Things change when you have kids. It's a different. Your mindset's different. You're a completely different person because you have to be. Even if you didn't want to be a mother, say, you're still a different person mentally, you're not the same. I can sense somebody I've talked to that I can tell they don't have kids because they act the same that they did when they were 18 years old. That means they don't have kids. There's no way. I've talked to people that I knew and had talked to before they had children and after they had children. It is easy to sense when somebody's had kids because they're a completely different person in how they interact and how they act and how they behave. Not saying negative, I'm saying they're a different person. You can sense it. They're not bad people, but they're nowhere near what they used to be in their teens. But if they're the same person they were in their teens, you know, there's no way, because they were never matured by their children. Some can mature on their own without children, but very few push themselves to. It's having the children and going through the process that should mature you. And then sometimes that maturity goes too far. All I'm suggesting is I was fascinated by the idea, and again, I'm way over the hill. So I'm not proposing. I'm saying I'm fascinated by the idea. You could meet somebody. You don't necessarily have to be in a committed relationship per se. You don't have to be walk down the aisle with them per se, but you are connected enough to them, compatible enough with them, that if you come to consensus that having a child makes sense and you feel, you know, both want to be at play, that that is a viable option for young folks either in lieu of or in addition to adoption, it's something to think about. Again, I'm too old for any such a thing, but if I've received one person to just think about it and don't be disgusted by the idea, don't be frightened by the notion of what people think about you, because it isn't really about them, about you. If you want it, what stops you. What stops you from having a natural birth, going through that process just because you're single. I don't think that stops you unless you let it stop you. If you let it stop you, so be it. But it's something to at least think about because I frankly think that it might help you understand really what it takes. The pain, the stress. There's stress, there's late nights. There's all sorts of trials and tribulations that go along with the natural childbirthing and rearing process that if you go through changes you. It changes your whole perception of what's important to where you might even have a better focus on the kind of person that you actually do want to be with from a relationship perspective. See, I'm talking about flipping it around, not saying do it on purpose. I'm saying, incidentally, if you did what we're talking about here, you have a child with somebody that you're compatible with, but not necessarily commit before this, you might say, well, I like this light skin. I like green eyes. I like buff guys. And then you have a child, and as you know, men are going to look at you differently. Some men are turned off by the side of a female with a child because they think you're damaged goods. But what about the one that you just had a child with? Is that person now who is a father? Whether they want to be or not? They've agreed, you had an agreement, they're a father. How do they behave now that they're a father? How do they treat you? If they treat you the same regardless of having a child, but you otherwise would not have been attracted to them for why ever. You might change perception. You might feel like, you know what? Maybe my tastes were jacked up the whole time. See, it's. But you are taking a risk. That's a gamble. You're rolling dice, but you're going through a process that you probably already wanted to go through. So you don't have much to lose. There's a lot of risk, but you might have a lot of reward too. It's compelling is all I'm saying. I'm not suggesting you do. I'm saying it's compelling to think about. If I were still in my. During the time, like in my 20s, say, it's something I would have considered, but I knew back then women are not on that. They're not on that wavelength. They're still stuck in a world where there's a certain order of operations that must be followed. Step one is I got to find somebody I'm attracted to. Step two is I gotta figure out how to date that person. Step three is I gotta marry that person. Step four is I gotta have kids with that person. Even if the person that I was attracted to, it would be the worst father, worst husband imaginable. But I don't know that. So I've already gone through that pain. Then we've had a kid. Now I'm stuck single with a kid, and now I'm starting over from scratch. That's the cycle. It's a trap. But that's how it is. Which is why I said I'm not even going to try. Because there's too much at stake. There's too much. They're in. They're in the bubble and it's hard to even. Back then I knew they're in the bubble. They're not going to crack out of this. It's just not going to happen. It won't work. I learned that with the one girl I told the story about with her daughter that. That I thought was adorable. I would have absolutely loved to have been a father figure to that kid. She was an amazing kid. I just couldn't stand her mom. So that, you know, that's, it's. It sucks. It sucks. It really does. But I understood back then and I understand now. I simply heard this person share their thoughts, realizing somebody else finally had that aha moment. And it took somebody detransitioning for them to say this could have been an option and this is something others should consider.