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[email protected] and now here's your host, Leister. Welcome or welcome back to Casual Talk radio. It's been a crazy week, and the craziness of the week inspired me to record and release on Wednesday as opposed to Monday. I had good reason, which then spins over to a story I wanted story to tell. Notorious B-I-G first, my public service announcement and warning, especially if you're new, because you wouldn't know this, this story. It may upset some people. It may frustrate some people. It may disturb some people. It may concern some people. It may anger some people. Some people may not care for the subject matter at hand. I can't say that this is or is not yours, but if you've listened to me for a while, you already know I'm a straight shooter in a world of sensitivity. So I don't have any qualms about sharing stories that I believe may set some people off. In fact, I think it's healthy, I actually think it's healthy to receive something that challenges your state of mind. Because if you're always in a comfort zone, you hear information that makes you happy and makes you smile and makes you comfortable. You never learn how to deal with adversity. You never learn how to deal with shock. I'm not suggesting shock jock type shock. I'm suggesting something that is unexpected. You just didn't anticipate it. You didn't know it was coming your way. That doesn't make it bad. It just means that you couldn't prepare. There's nothing wrong with not being able to prepare. I rant a little bit because I've noticed a trend in movies and other forms of media where they always want to try to have a happy ending. Now they always want to have everything work out fine in the end. I remember when I was a kid, and I'm sorry, it scarred me to this day, and this is not my story. I'm prefacing with a, a different story. But this scarred me to this day where I don't let people cook for me. And you might be like, I don't let people cook for me. That's why I know how to cook. And I have a better breakfast than IHOP because I had to teach myself how to perfect the art of cooking because I don't trust other people to cook for me anymore. What happened? And this is the brief part of the preface of the story, not the real story, but what happened is, when I was a kid, USA network, on tv, they would show on pretty much on a regular basis. I want to say it was like every three weeks or something, they would show in the evening a movie, tv movie called Buried Alive. And there was a sequel to this business. The sequel wasn't as good as the original buried alive. The summary of the story, I don't want to spoil it, but the summary of the story. You have a lady. She's married to this guy. This guy's like a construction worker or something, but the lady's cheating on this guy.
[00:02:59] The lady and the person that she's cheating with conspire to kill her husband so that they can be together. So she gets some poison, puts it in the food that she prepares. So she cooks up this elaborate. I think it was, like fish eggs or something. So if you're a caviar fan. So she makes this meal.
[00:03:20] He's poisoned, essentially dies. Apparently. It's undetectable at the time. They don't know what it makes it look like. He died from natural causes. They do the whole funeral song and dance. They bury this guy in a cheap. It's like an El cheapo casket.
[00:03:35] He was really well off financially, and she was well off financially and this other guy. But they paid the bare minimum, like, they went shopping, and they paid the bare minimum for the casket. Lower him to the ground, dirt over top, the whole nine. So he's essentially buried. He wakes up inside the casket, underground, not realizing what the heck happened. Now, obviously, for camera effects, it's lit, and here you would see pitch black. You can kind of envision what it is he breaks through, because it's a cheap casket, and it had started to rain, so it rotted some of the wood, and he was able to break out, but he had to bust his knuckles to get through this. And he cut himself all and then dug himself out, which none of this could theoretically, really happen, but it was just, when you saw it, the visual kind of shocking, especially because I was a kid. So he gets out. He's walks somewhere, and then eventually he gets back to his house, which is his house, and he sees she's with this other guy now. In his house? In his house and his stuff. And she had put the dog at his dog. She had put his dog out. And it was a really weird. So what he does is, without being detected, because he's like a construction worker, he reengineers the house to turn it into a maze so that they're both trapped. That's where I'm going to stop. Because I don't want to spoil it. Because I do recommend people watch that movie, if only so you can be like me, not letting people cook for you. Anyway, let me get to the real story again. I'm going to preface because I did give warning, so don't come at me. I gave warning about what my subject matter is going to be. And it may bother you, but I think it's important because there wasn't a specific recent situation. This was just a thought that came to mind. And because it came to mind, I had recorded, as usual for Monday, but I realized I wanted to take more time to process it and process what's the message? What's the call to action? What is that? I want the listener to take away because I don't want to just share a story. And there's no takeaway, there's no message, there's no moral. It's just a rant. Sometimes there's just a rant. And I would tell you this, I didn't want to be just a rant. I wanted to be something of some value to somebody, if for no other reason than understanding of a topic. So the topic didn't change, but my approach changed. So I recorded it twice and then realized I don't want to do it that way. I want to take some time, think about it. And then it clicked. That's what I want to emphasize.
[00:06:05] Let's start with the word. There's one word that summarizes the topic I'm going to talk today.
[00:06:12] Coon. C-O-O-N. Coon.
[00:06:17] You might have cringed, and I expected you to cringe, and that's okay. The reason the word coom starts my story is because at the end of it all, I was forced to redefine for myself what is a coon? Really? What is a coon? You might have heard people throw the word around, right? But everybody has a different definition for kum, and mine is a much simpler definition. It is this definition that I wanted to share, that I wanted somebody to understand somebody else's perspective. When that word is tossed around, what I think it really should mean, if it's ever going to be used, which I don't use frequently, it's certainly not something I can count on one hand the times I've used it, and each and every one of those times was when I was before 18 years old.
[00:07:08] To me, a coon is effectively somebody who is not white. So notice I didn't say black. I said not white. Somebody who is not white, who is supportive of racism, coming from white people towards non whites, that's a coon to me. You might be saying that's overly simplistic. Yes, it is, because that's how I perceived it. That's how I've always perceived it. We're not talking like when I think it was ice cube. He was called a coon because he went to go see Donald Trump. No, these are not coons. These are business people trying to conduct business and they're trying to do good and they understand the game of what it is. If there's somebody in authority, they're going to go to somebody in authority. That has nothing to do with your race. That's not coon. That is simply, you're smart about it. If there's something you're trying to achieve or accomplish, you're going to do whatever's necessary to get it done. Those people should be respected. There's not a lot of those. Kat Williams is a great example. Ice cube is another great example. I would not include Kim Kardashian in that, honestly. But Kanye, at times, he'll have those moments.
[00:08:18] Where is that coming from, though? You ask where it's coming from is a story from throwback. So this is before I was 18. Well, not before I was 18. It was after. I was just after 18, I should say. It was a long time ago. A long time ago. So I had started dating because before there. There's interest in somebody, but it's not really dating. You're just interested in somebody now. I had started dating.
[00:08:46] I told the story of my first girlfriend. If you're new, you didn't hear it. The simple sentence about my first girlfriend, if I knew that she kept her life together and she was on her J-O-B and she was handling business, kept herself up, and she was on that. She's probably the only girl that I dated that I would consider taking back, because from a personality perspective, everybody's flawed. But she was the only one who was kind of like that Bonnie and Clyde feeling where you connected with that person in a way that none of the rest of them could even touch. It was just like, I know she's got my back on XYZ, she may not have my back on ABC, and that's okay. We can work that out. But with XYZ, she's got my back. That's what she was. Nobody realized it, including myself. Just how much, to quote the song down ass chick, she happened to be. She was truly that in this one regard, not that in this other regard.
[00:09:49] Our breakup was the most amenable, peaceful, happy, calm, non yelling, non screaming, non name calling breakup you can imagine. It was just. She was very paranoid. That's the truth. She was paranoid needlessly, so I understand why she was paranoid because, unfortunately, the other person involved was very good at convincing people that something was happening that was not. And it was kind of my fault because I was just rolling with it.
[00:10:22] So she was paranoid needlessly, so. But I understood that was the only reason we broke up. She's still cool people. She's the only person I would take back.
[00:10:32] My second girlfriend, though.
[00:10:35] And I told this story of every person I've ever met. So I'm not even just talking people I've dated. Of every person I've ever met in my life. In my life.
[00:10:48] I can count four people where I could picture myself tossing off on them, to use a term.
[00:10:56] The dude that. And this was my fault. That's why I kind of let it go. There was a different girl I met at school.
[00:11:03] Cool people. There's two, but there's one, primarily named Patisha. Just amazing girl, in and out personality, cool people, everything.
[00:11:15] She gave me her phone number. She wrote it in the yearbook. This was at a time where everybody was signing my yearbook. Everybody knew who I was. Throughout the whole school. I knew who everybody was. And I was getting signatures all over the board, period. Because I was popular in this one year of school, I was really popular. So I got signatures all over the crazy. She signs. She puts her phone number in the back. She says, call before July 1. I'll be gone of that year, no problem.
[00:11:43] Me being who I was and making the mistake that I did, I decided to take it back the last day of school. So this is the second to last day of school. I took it back the last day of school, thinking I would get more signatures, which was stupid, because my yearbook was packed to the gills with signatures. Now, mind you, yearbooks are over $100 that my parents had to pay for. So that I wasn't thinking that. I didn't care. I was about signatures, signatures. I'm going to get more signatures. I got one more, two more, whatever. I take this thing to school.
[00:12:14] Got no more signatures.
[00:12:16] I'm walking home and I'm carrying it. It's not even in a backpack. Because I didn't bring a binder. I didn't bring anything because it's the last day of school. It didn't matter. All I did was the yearbook. I'm walking. I remember this. I was walking from the school, and then I hit the adjacent street that I was hit. Suddenly, something runs up, bumps me, yanks the book out from underneath my arm, and I see two guys who I knew very well from one of the other courses take off with my book, and I tell this dude, hey, come back. Quit playing. He keeps on going. Never saw the book again. I did talk to Maticia later, because she's online, so I did talk to her later, but it was already too late. Now that I tell that story only so I can preface and get prepared for what my frame of mind was during this whole sprint of years. There was a period where I was really, really popular. My popularity went up to a point.
[00:13:13] And so then it hit kind of this peak roughly around, I'd say, 19 ish. Something hits a peak. That's when I met my second girlfriend. The one that, like I said, so this guy that stole the yearbook, he's one person I toss off on my second girlfriend. If I were such a person, I'd have tossed off on my first friend, who I think I told the story about. But if you knew, you wouldn't have heard it. Who's associated with the second girlfriend definitely would have tossed off on that person. And then a fourth person who completely escapes my mind. That's how bad it was. But I remember the situation, which was, I lent her some money. We were dating. I just lent her some money, and then she got a little bit, to use the term, ornery. And I would have tossed off on her if I were a different kind of person. So these are the only people that I can think of I can recall throughout life that I would have torn off on. Well, with the second girlfriend. The problem with her is that. And I knew this when I met her.
[00:14:13] I don't take blame. I accept that it was a two way street, because I knew it when I met her. She was very clingy, and she was clingy for the wrong reasons. She was clingy because she had a need for constant attention. She had a need for being coddled. She had a need for the queen complex, as it's used. She had this need for being that, and she was not necessarily a giver in return. There were things that she would do, but generally speaking, it was really about her and what she wanted and what she needed. And I do refer to cash in this regard. So the only reason we even connected in the first place is because she was trying to find somebody to cling to. And I happened to be the most popular person around. And it was recommended that she talked to me and I talked to her. And to be fair, the initial conversations were fine.
[00:15:05] So we're essentially connected. We're not fully dating, but we're essentially connected. And we talk on a regular basis. And we eventually get to the point of what I would describe as dating, although it still really wasn't. But we might as well be. She's telling me now all sorts of horror stories that I didn't know. And I let it slide because of my age. And in my mind, I was kind of like whatever.
[00:15:25] She was telling stories about trips she would take and old boyfriends that she dated and cousins that she did, who unmentionables with. And all these stories that are kind of freaking me out. I didn't connect the dots because, again, at the time, I was not a reactor. I was just kind of passive. It's whatever. I don't have time to focus on any of this business.
[00:15:50] She would pick fights over the silliest of things. I'm talking. I'll tell the story. Her hair. So she had long hair. I prefer long hair. Personally, I think that there's nothing wrong with long hair. But it's your hair. I don't have the right to tell you what to do with your hair, but I prefer long hair. It just is what it is. I understand some of these chemicals. If your hair is not naturally straight, let's say some of these chemicals can actually be very harmful, dangerous. There are stories about how straighteners were potentially causing cancer and all sorts of stuff that people didn't know. So I understood there's all sorts of things that women need to think about. With something as simple as your hair, you have to think about presentation, right? You have to think about discrimination in the workplace. You have to think about prep. You have to think about long term care. You have to think about odor that matters. You have to think about dandruff and all sorts of. So as a guy, now, don't get me wrong. My hair used to go on my shoulders. My point is, at this time, it didn't. And I could not resonate with all of the different things she had to think about. So, yes, I did prefer long hair, but it's her hair. She asks me one day, I'm thinking about cutting my hair short. What do you think about that? I already know the question is a trap, because no matter what you answer, it's going to be a wrong answer. I'm not that naive in my mind. I already know where this is going. So I said, and I remember exactly what I said. I said, it's your hair and it's your decision, and I will accept whatever it is you decide. That's literally all I said. She got pissed.
[00:17:28] She got angry. She said, I'm asking because I care about what you think. Because we're together. I care about what you think. So your opinion does matter, and I want to know what you feel about it. And I said again, because I knew where it was going.
[00:17:43] How I feel about it isn't as important is that you are satisfied with what you end up with. Because no matter what you end up with, it's not going to change our relationship or anything if that's what you're concerned. That's what I said. You're probably shaking your head. Feel free to. She gets pissed even more because she thinks I'm deflecting. She thinks I'm making an excuse and I'm not. I'm serious in what I say. I don't just pontificate and do whatever. I'm legitimately serious. It doesn't change anything with what you do with your hair. It doesn't change how I feel. And she won't let it go. So then I said, when we met, like I mentioned, I personally prefer long hair. However, as I said, your hair is yours. It doesn't matter what I prefer. It matters what you want to do. And I have to roll with it because that's what a relationship is about. I have to be okay with it no matter what. It doesn't matter what I prefer, period. Boy, this turned into, I had to think of, like a 20 minutes argument back and forth about how I don't care about her and I don't love her and I just want to. Whatever I said, nothing that was wrong. And what I reflected later, that was the trap. That was her pattern of, I'm going to do something that's going to pick a fight. And I think she thrived off of that antagonism because I wasn't, by default, that kind of person. I wasn't the kind of person who was going to create animus. I'm not going to pick a fight. It's not worth it. We got better things to do.
[00:19:12] We're not even in our 20s yet, and we're sitting here acting like we're 40 freaking years old. It wasn't worth it to me. So I'm never that antagonist like that. I just kind of roll with it. I was the same way with my first girlfriend with Shar, she would pick fights, but not nearly as bad as the second one, brandy. Shar. Her whole thing, again, was paranoia for the most part. I'll tell that story again because we have a new audience later. Point is, first girlfriend, she would pick fights, but nowhere near as bad. It was really more about paranoia. And then we never got to. Loud screaming, we never got to name calling. We never got to. You don't love me, this or any of that kind of stuff. She would say stuff, know, I'm your girl and you won't do this. Well, no, but that's different because she's telling the truth. It's like, yes, I won't do that. And I'm telling you why. That's not really what Brandy would do, which, know, you just don't love me and you don't care about me. When you're asking me about your hair, it's your hair. And I'm telling you it's your hair. And you should do what makes you happy. And you're getting pissed. And I did that because I already knew decades before. Because here I am, decades later. Will Smith says, no. What? We. And with Jada, we should be happy separately. Figure out what makes us happy separately, then come together happy and be happy together. That's what I was trying to know. I was trying to. Look, whatever makes you happy, I want you to do that. Because you should not rely on making me happy. That's not the point. It defeats the purpose. But that's not how she was doing it. So she would pick this fight. She would pick a fight about music because she liked Yanni, who's a musician. I don't mind. It's what you prefer. There was a commercial and they did a parody of Yanni. I pointed it out to her. Just, it's like, look, if you can't laugh at yourself, you can't laugh at some of these things. I'm sorry, you've lost the plot. I learned that with the bulgarian girl that was obsessed with Madonna. That's how I learned. I digress. So Brandi would pick fights every time you turn around. No matter what I tried to do, she would pick a fight. Yet she still wanted to talk to me no matter what. That was the trap. Because it was always trying to pick a fight about something stupid. And I would fall for it instead of push back and just not play it. Like I really needed to do fast forward. And my friend, I'm pretty sure he was. Again, he was the first friend, I think I had ever met named Eric.
[00:21:44] Right? White guy. Mom couldn't stand him because he smoked. And fine. I knew his family. I thought the world of his sister, at least his brother.
[00:21:57] But military families, all this kind of stuff. Fine. So fast forward, he's getting into the circle now with all my different people. So there's black folks, there's white folks, there's Hispanics, there's Puerto Ricans. It's a blend. It's a commingled blend of folks.
[00:22:14] There's a girl, I may have told this, I'm going to tell it again. There's a girl that comes around if you know jewel the singer, dead ringer for jewel the singer. Just absolutely drop dead gorgeous, start to finish, head to toe, amazing looking girl from Nashville, Tennessee. She's, she's the coolest person, too. Just a cool person to talk to. Not compatible with her in any know. She smokes, I don't. She drinks, I don't, you know, she's, she's very free with her body. I'm not.
[00:22:46] But she's cool people. Cool to talk to, down to earth, level headed. And she's the kind of person I gravitate to. She's the kind of person I normally am attracted to in a platonic fashion. This idea that I can talk to you about anything, I can ask you about anything, we can even flirt and it's just not, we're not hooking. Just, it is what it is. Whereas Brandy wasn't having any of this stuff, she assumed that I'm hooking up with this girl when I wasn't. I didn't have any plan to, had no intention to. It was never any attraction. Eric is absolutely infatuated with this girl. I've never seen his nose so wide open for a female before. But he's absolutely wide open for this freaking girl. Asks me, hey, ask her out for me, because he's a freaking coward. Now, he had not been a coward before. I've seen him around women. He had no problem talking to women. But for whatever reason, this one had his nose so wide open, he was afraid to talk to her and wanted me to ask him out. Right.
[00:23:46] Because he sees that she and I are on good terms and he thinks I can give him an end. I tried. Now, I already knew going in, she wasn't going to go for him because he was that Marilyn Manson, death metal kind of person and she was nowhere close to that. She was really more about country music and down to earth, smooth, calm, and she most importantly liked confident, strong, quiet dudes, like myself at that time. Just people that exude confidence, people that can walk in a room and you're going to get eyes looking at you just because you got that swag. He wasn't that man if he was in a room. He's just a dude. He's just a guy in the corner. She wasn't about that. You got to stand out. You got to really stand out for this one. So I already knew she wasn't going to go for it. But I tried. I talked to her. Hey, my friend wants to talk to you. Give him a shot. Give him a call sometimes. I'll give you his number. She starts laughing because as I knew. And she even said, he's not my type. That's absolutely not what I'm going for. You know that. I said, I do know, but give him a shot. She wasn't having it. No problem. I let it go. I wasn't going to pressure it. It's not for me. I told him she's not interested. She says, you're not her type. He's like, what do you mean I'm not her type? Of course I am. She white trash. She's not. But that's what he thinks. It's all about perspective. Fine, whatever. I think it's a dropped deal. Meanwhile, Brandy is thinking that I'm hooking up with this girl because this girl has turned now Eric down. So Brandy assumes that I'm getting with her off the side somehow. Eric and Brandy get to talking behind my back. Fine. If you want to talk to her, I don't really care. But he's telling her a bunch of lies because he thinks that I took this girl from him. So you got my own girl and this person who's supposed to be my friend, assuming that this girl over here and me are hooking up on the side when none of that's the case because I'm never a homewrecker. That's not what I do. It's the last thing I do. A friend of mine named Brandon will tell you a horror story that he has about a time when I actually introduced him to a very nice girl and he didn't want to do it. That's how nice I am. That's how magnanimous I am. I'm willing to do that for other people. I'm not a homewrecker. So I wasn't messing with this girl at all. I was trying to get her to give Eric a chance. She didn't want to have it because he was not what she wanted. I'm sorry. She was not what I wanted at all. But she's cool. My girl's a freaking nutcase, and I can't do it. The girl shows up in one of these days, and she starts acting with everybody else. She starts acting like she's hooked up with me. So she's telling and she's acting, and she's putting it out there like we're together.
[00:26:33] So Brandi's livid because she comes in and she's livid. She's pissed. She's absolutely behind.
[00:26:39] I've never seen her so angry. What she didn't get, and later, what Eric didn't get, this girl was messing with him, was just tugging their strings because the girl knew that Brandy was a nutcase. The girl knew Brandy was crazy. The girl knew Brandy didn't deserve me. So she's doing it to piss Brandy off. And I'm telling her, hey, shut up. What are, you know, she's not listening to me because she's trying to get Brandy set off. To get Brandy to leave me alone. That was her intent, best of intentions. It wasn't going to work. So I knew Brandy was going to get set off, and she got set off. So now Eric sees this girl that he's infatuated with, acting like she's with me.
[00:27:20] Eric calls me the n word in front of this crowded group of mixed race people, black people, Mexicans, everything else. The black people start laughing, including Brandy. Brandy's mixed. Start laughing. Black people start laughing. When a white person calls another black person the n word right in front. I'm talking hard r when I say this, start laughing. Now freeze that moment, that situation all transpired. Because unfortunately, and I'm going to tell the truth, and if that person is listening, I don't care at this point because I'm way above them. That situation happened for one main reason, and it's because I ended up with the wrong girl. I ended up with the wrong girl. It's what it is. And there were other girls that were better than her that I rejected and I shouldn't have. And when I had the opportunity to cheat, I didn't because I'm not a homewrecker. And I probably should have. Like, I should have been more aggressive about getting rid of brandy than I was. I tried to make it work. I tried to sort it out. And there were things I was doing to try to get her to decouple from what was happening, and I didn't do it. That's my fault. Then when Eric comes in, I'm assuming he's smart enough to understand I'm not going to try to take somebody from you.
[00:28:37] We have done the dual date together. You know my role. You know I don't home wreck like that. He knew that. But for whatever reason, this girl just happened so wide open, he couldn't think straight. I knew he would eventually call me the n word. I didn't expect it, so I wasn't bothered by that. I was bothered by these black people that laughed about it. They accepted it, they tolerated it. They were cool with it, and they were cool with it for the wrong reason. They were cool with it because of an assumption that I did something I didn't do. One sided, that. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hopefully children over the ages of 18, that is how you identify a coon. Because the moment that Brandy started laughing as a black, mixed black person, she became a coon and a coon. When you become a coon, you are now my enemy, because I do not befriend coons. True coons. A true coon supports a white person. That is denigrating to a black person and for no valid reason. But regardless, you laughed in mixed company. You did that, so now you are a coon. I was more angry at brandy than I was at Eric because I knew Eric would eventually do something. I didn't know when, I didn't know what. And I figured it wouldn't happen until we were older or he would just bottle it up. It didn't bother me as much because he didn't really run in any circles with hardly anybody. I was, for the most part, the only friend he had when we were growing up. So I expect there has to be something. There's got to be something later.
[00:30:17] But some of the girls that he was running with, they were perfectly cool with me, so I didn't think much of it.
[00:30:25] When this happens, then in my frame of mind that I was at. And again, this is coming off the heels of my first girlfriend, where it was the most peaceful breakup you could think of, and we didn't really have a falling out. It was just kind of a paranoia thing. This was a paranoia thing to the nth degree. I knew where my mind was at, and I'm level setting it. There was a point, and I thought better of it, probably to the best. There was a point that I would have gone because I knew where he lived. Obviously, he was right around the corner. I knew where she lived. She lived in Porterville. There was a point that I was going to take a drive. And chances are he was going to be somewhere in that neighborhood because they were talking.
[00:31:09] That's fine if you want to talk, but if he had been up there and she was up there, I can promise this. Where my mind was at at the time, two of us would have walked out alive. That's where my mind was at. And I wasn't sure that I was going to be one of the two. I just knew what I was feeling. I knew I was feeling okay. I got to do something. I got to handle this situation, because that's not acceptable. I was more upset about that with her than I was about the nutcase that broke the windows on the geostorm, because that was a different. I'll tell that story later. But this again, she became a coon in my eyes. And when you become a coon, a blatant coon, and then you don't even understand that you're a coon, and you don't understand why, what you just did. If we were in other company, if there were other people that I do know, if they happened to be there, one of y'all would have got knocked out because there are other people that have been less tolerant of it than I was at the time.
[00:32:14] Fast forward now. Covid hits. And this is the irony of the story. Covid hits. And I took it upon myself, and apparently people didn't realize that the white pages are still a thing. So I took it upon myself to make certain calls to certain people that I was concerned about to make sure that they're okay and more importantly, still alive and they're not financially struggling due to what was happening with COVID and the lockdowns and everything else. And turns out, unfortunately, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't listen to this, but somebody that knows her might be listening to this, and I don't care if she knows. But the point is, I was in Nevada, right? Turns out Brandy was also in Nevada. Turns out Brandy was not far from where I was in Nevada. Turns out, for whatever reason, Brandy was still stuck in this groove. We're talking decades later now, still stuck in this groove as if she was an 18 year old, because she kept talking about where we met, which was through a computer, effectively, and she was talking to people from, like, 30 years before that she's never met, face to face. And all this that. It's like she still talks to Eric, which doesn't surprise me. Now, I questioned that one because I have reason to believe that Eric is in prison. I can't prove that. I believe his sister died. I can't prove it, so I have reason to believe she lied about some of this stuff. But I called her out. When I called her, because I called her to check on her, she stayed on the phone. She didn't hang up in my face. You know why? Because she doesn't understand. See, she'll tell you. If you were to talk to her, she'll tell you that I'm the most evil person walking. But the truth is, it's a two way street.
[00:33:59] I should never have gotten to the point of allowing her to pull me into fights.
[00:34:04] That was on me. I allowed her to do that. I gave her too much power to pull me into fights. I should never done that. Two, I shouldn't have stayed with her to begin with when I knew that she was clingy.
[00:34:15] I should have done a better job of identifying that she was a little bit overly clingy, because if I think about Shar, my first girlfriend, Char, was slightly clingy, but nowhere near like Brandy was.
[00:34:28] Brandy was almost obsessive clingy, and I recognized it back then and didn't do anything about it. That's on me for not acting to get away from that situation, as this is probably going to turn toxic. The dollar amount increased.
[00:34:43] I spent. Not I. More money was spent trying to court Brandy than all the other girls I've ever talked to combined.
[00:34:55] That's on me. And I knew that. And, yes, and there may be people listening to the show that know Shar and know our relationship.
[00:35:04] Shar at most, I might have spent of my money, $30 with Shar at most, and her sister, maybe $10 with the mexican food, maybe like, you're talking double digits at most, and it's not a lot. Then there was the dress situation. That wasn't my money. That was the story I told about the strange old man, and maybe I'll tell that story again, but that wasn't my money. So most, $80, of which 50 was not mine. Brandy, jeez, it's got total. I got to think with every single freaking at the time, and that was a different era, so bear with me. But it had to be in the thousands of dollars, like, easily two, maybe $3,000 start to finish, of which there's no tangible anything to it. That was just to get on the phone and talk to this girl. That was just to be able to talk to her. I think I might have bought her a present one time, just thousands of dollars. All the girls, all of them combined, friends and girlfriends, both combined, none come close to the amount of money wasted courting brandy. And people will ask, well, then why'd you stick? And that's what I'm saying. I should not have. I know that now. But at the time, I wasn't thinking about it. It didn't bother me. I'm young. I'm not in my. Doesn't reconcile. It doesn't click.
[00:36:30] And I was fresh off a relationship that ended pretty amicably, I thought. And I figured, okay, this is just what it's going to be. I just got to do a little bit better, and it'll be better. And that was a flaw. No problem. But when she becomes a coon, she became my enemy. And I told her this when I talked to her on the phone, because, again, she stayed on the phone when I talked to her. She said her stuff about, oh, you were this, and you said this, and you were like this, and I went to therapy about this, and not because of you.
[00:37:00] Yes, it was because of our relationship, and I know it was because she was in a very buff spot. I know that. It's fine. I don't care.
[00:37:08] I don't care. What I care about is what I called about, which is that you're okay because of COVID That's the point. I'm in the here and now. I'm not in the back then. I don't care about the back then it doesn't matter. It's gone.
[00:37:19] So she stays on the phone. She could have hung up in my face. She didn't hang up in the face because I knew there's a part of her that wanted to hear from me, just like I wanted to hear from her, because she's part of the history, and that's the flaw.
[00:37:35] I was able to let go eventually of the way I felt at the time where I said two of us would have been okay and one of us would not have been back then. I was in that frame of mind. I was seriously in that frame of mind.
[00:37:49] Over time, I can recognize that she was a coon, and she's still a coon. From talking to her, I can hear in her messaging, she's still a coon. And I asked and even said, do you not understand that what you did made you a coon and it made you my enemy? And she said, well, I was very angry. Anger is not an excuse for becoming a coon. Becoming a coon is a conscious choice you made. That's your choice. But you got to reconcile. There are white people that treated me better than you did. That makes you a coon. If there is a situation where white people treat somebody better than your own people, you as a non white person yourself acting that way, you are a coon because you are choosing to do something against your own people. And that for me made you a coon and unacceptably so. And I had to make a choice, which was back then I'm going to turn the other cheek like Martin Luther King. But as I fast forward, I'm not going to let go that you're a coon. I'll talk to you again and see if you may have evolved or changed or grown up, at minimum. And she hadn't. No problem. I did what I was calling for, which was just to check on you and make sure that you're okay. My conscience is clean because I already accepted long time ago. It's a two way street. I know what my part was. My part was letting you get away with so many fights when I shouldn't have. I should have been stronger in that regard. I was weak, no problem. I'm much stronger now than I ever was. But I already knew that I was ahead of her when I call to check on her for Covid impacts and she's willing to stay on the phone, which means that's still there. The feeling is still there. There's a little bit of that beef on both sides and that's cool. I said, all I call for is to make sure you're okay. You'll never hear from me again. She then goes into a rant about, oh, so you're going to kill yourself. No, I'm serious. That's what she said to me. Everything's simpler. It's way simpler. It's like you didn't expect me to call. Now you're not going to call me and I don't plan to call you again because I told you, I'm just calling you for this one. So where is this whole suicidal thing I'm telling the truth of? This will be the last time you hear from me because I know it is. Because I know you're not going to call me and I'm not going to call you. This is common sense, though. Her reaction was an attempt to trigger another fight and I knew she was going to do it. So now it's like, okay, I know the game now. It's easy to predict the game. It's just too late because I'm way much older.
[00:40:31] Another one I called and this one I wasn't dating. She tried to and I purposely didn't do it because, number one, she was too young. And number two, she had stories, let's say, about her and what she would do. And I saw them firsthand, put into play about how manipulative this girl was. So I did not date her. Although she tried her hardest. I'm talking body contact. Tried. She tried.
[00:41:01] So I call her and just. Again, it's Covid. I'm just checking. See how you're doing. Is everything okay? And she presented it just like brandy did, of just, you were this and you did this. And I'm like, jeez, man, we're talking 30 freaking years ago at this point, and you just cannot. And in her case, the falling out was actually this one was because I rejected her. I was smart enough to reject her. She came after Brandy. So I had learned from the fallout of Brandy with this other one not to let her pull me in too deep. So then I rejected her when she was trying to make the advances I pushed away from her. It's not that I didn't like her company. It's not that I absolutely had no complaints about filling on her body, don't get me wrong. But I was not going to commit to anything with her. And the separation was necessary because of what was going on with other people. I needed to make sure there was clear boundaries and lines, even if it meant I could no longer enjoy her company. Just what it was. And she didn't like that because she felt like, this is how I feel and why are you acting this way? And it's like cutting off the umbilical cord. I had to cut it off. It's what it was. The other piece of this is she introduced me to her friend. This is how crazy my young life was. She introduced me to her friend. Her friend was also too young, and I wasn't dating her at all, but she was much cooler than this girl. So I was spending more time with that one over there because she was just a cool person. Her grandmother was cool people, so there was a little bit of that jealousy tension going on. So that was playing into factor. So then later, she puts it back on me of, I did this and I was manipulating when I wasn't because I actually pushed her away. And she's now playing the victim, no problem. But it's like, jeez, decades have passed, and you have not grown out of this childishness that we're talking about here to become an adult. Like, if I were to talk to some of the people that I never had this kind of interaction with, I'll give you a great example. There was a girl named Michelle. She was a friend of some people that. With church and other places in school.
[00:43:20] She was there. She went to the school that I went to and the whole nine. And I was infatuated with this girl. I can't explain to you why. There was something about her. I just couldn't get enough of seeing her. I wanted to talk to her. She didn't want to have any sort of association with me. When we were young together with same age, but she didn't want to have any association. Later, I stumbled across her online and I chatted with her. She's cool as a fan, just a cool person. Just different people. She's a different person, but cool as a fan.
[00:43:50] The first girl I ever kissed, we're talking, jeez, I had to been like five, four years old, kiss at school. First girl ever kiss. I talked to her decades later, cool as a fan. Remember the situation? Easy going.
[00:44:06] That's when I knew.
[00:44:08] When you have these buckets of people, there's just categories. You cannot equate people all in one lump, like society wants to do that. We're all the same and we're all equal and we're all human and we're all fallible. No, the truth is there are just these buckets of people. Some of those buckets of people are. They're good people at heart and they get put in a situation, or they're good people and they stay good people. Or they're trash and they eventually fix themselves. Or they're trash and they stay trash, or they have potential and they realize it, or they have potential and they discard it. There's these buckets of categories that you have to put people into.
[00:44:51] And one of those buckets is to be a coon. And that's a choice. That's a decision somebody makes. To be a coon and be proud of it and walk around and then decades later, never think back. That was absolutely terrible, what I did to my own people. It's unfathomable. It's straight up unfathomable.
[00:45:14] And I say that as somebody who historically, like, say, mexican folks, the neighborhood I grew up in, Mexicans all over the place, they're great friends. They're great people. Cool people. Except for that one girl, the nutcase at Magic Mountain. That's a different story for a different day. Point is, great people, great everything. I never had any sort of. That sort of treatment of any of them. If I did get mad, it's just as a person. I got mad at you. But there was never going to be this where I'm going to turn into a coon for any reason.
[00:45:48] And I think, this is my opinion. I think that part of what social media did wrong in the modern era is it took away the opportunity for people to be held accountable for the kinds of things that they do. Their coonness as a term. It took away that opportunity. Obviously, they're in the public eye, but I'm talking to be really accountable because when it's face to face, it's a whole different ballgame. Some of those people don't understand. If you're face to face saying some of this stuff, either you're going to come to blows, somebody's get shot, somebody's get stabbed. Now it's much worse than it was before. Before, it just is an ass whooping, right? Just go and beat them down or something else. When I say that two people would have walked out and one would not have, that could have been as simple as getting hit by a car or going missing. Because the going missing was a reality. That was a reality check. There were places that somebody could go missing all over the place that somebody could have been. There was canyons and all sorts. That's what I mean. Somebody could just go missing. Could be that simple. There was a time that somebody could have ended up stranded somewhere in the middle of nowhere at the pitch black of night. Like it could be something that simple where they're not dead, they're just stranded somewhere that they can't find their way back home. Because this is an era before cell phones and before navigations, and you could be lost forever, lost in emotion. Cassera. Cassera. Anyhow, what's the moral of the story? The moral of the story is that society teaches us, tries to teach us, that everybody's equal, everybody's the same, and we should treat them all the same, and everybody deserves a shot. And the truth is, that's not the way it works.
[00:47:32] The way it works, ideally, is that you identify what somebody's true motivation is. And I'll quote or paraphrase something that Bernie Mac, arguably, to me, the greatest comedian that I think I've ever watched, that he once said, which know, if you want people to love you and you want people to care about you, die.
[00:47:53] Think about it. That's what it is. Because everything when you're alive is just lip service. It's just people talking. It's just people saying something. And there may be some intentions behind it, but the true feelings, they come out when you pass away. That's the truth. And there could be people that will say, yeah, what a garbage. I'm glad he's gone. But there's other people say, my condolences or this, that he did this or she did that. And this is the person, no matter what it is, that's where people's true feelings come out, is when you're gone, because you're not there anymore to defend yourself. You're not there to speak up for yourself. Here's when you pass away. Other than that, it's all lip. It's all lip service.
[00:48:34] But because of these buckets of people that I describe, it got easier over time for me to identify who's just feeding lip service and who is really something. As I talked to them through time again, first girlfriend, I'm pretty confident that if I were to talk to her now, it'd be just like old times, but obviously a little bit more mature. We're not talking about video games or whatever. It's more of a mature conversation. But I'm pretty sure we would get along. Her sister, I don't think we would get along now because I don't think that what we were doing when we were younger was pure, legitimate, accurate. I don't think it was real. I think it was just fabricated, fake to try to put on a show. That's what I honestly believe.
[00:49:19] Various people that I've met at work or something else, I could have a conversation. I do that now, have a conversation with them. And it's just like old times. And I know that there's legitimacy there. Others where we got close to dating, or maybe we're just really close friends. I could talk to them, and I know they're disingenuous. I know that what they did before was for their own benefit, not for the communal benefit of the both of us. So I've just gotten better at identifying when that split happens, where it's egregious, and that's my point. Where it's egregious is when you essentially made yourself a coon and then you didn't recognize your coonness, and you didn't fix it, and you didn't get away from that by recognizing how wrong it was. Which means you were that all along, and you played a good game hiding it. And that's inexcusable. I can excuse most everything else. Most everything else. Being a coon, I cannot excuse because that's a choice you made. That's a decision you made, and you made it from emotional stance, you didn't make it. That's not even upbringing. That's not upbringing. Coonness is not an upbringing. Coonness is a decision you made for some reason that's likely triggered by emotions and you don't recognize why it's wrong. It's wrong because you're doing something that is denigrating to your own people. And how can you look yourself in the eye in the morning knowing that you did that?
[00:50:47] The fact that you don't and the fact you don't see a problem with it, that's what makes it egregious.
[00:50:53] The modern era has taught people that we're all the same. We're not all the same. Anybody who is a coon, and again, I'm not even targeting just blacks. Anybody that is a coon, I don't care who it is. Anybody that's a coon.
[00:51:08] It's inexcusable. There is no forgiveness. There is no overlooking it. There is no saying it's okay or tolerating it. In my opinion, it is something that should never be allowed or tolerated. And there's a lot of those people. There's a lot of them. Our president has said some things in the past that the prior president has said as well, and the president before has allowed.
[00:51:38] And people on the street do and store people do and people driving do and teachers do it. And it's all over the place.
[00:51:46] At some point on one episode, I'm going to talk about why I believe, in my personal opinion, the myth around racism. It's a myth.
[00:51:57] It's not that it doesn't exist. That's not what I mean. I'm talking about the perception of what it is and what actions can or should be taken around it? I think it's being misrepresented. And it ties to this whole notion of Kunness.
[00:52:12] Because I believe Kunness is a byproduct of racism experienced at some point in the past. And it goes down, it goes downstream, trickles down the hill. And as long as that exists, the coonness exists. You always have racism. That means that the real root of it are the coons out there and identifying them for what they are and holding them accountable for what they are and not excusing it or overlooking it. But unfortunately, there's been a deflection away from it where the easy target for people is fine, racist white people. What if I were to tell you, as I close, what if I were to tell you there's no such thing as an inherently, as in it's just ingrained in them. Racist white person. It doesn't exist. They are racist because of something. They're racist because they think they should be. They're triggered racists. They are triggered to be racist for a reason. Has anybody ever done any analysis as to that reason? Could be as simple as where they live. Sure.
[00:53:17] I posit, posit. I posit that it might be as simple as seeing a bunch of coons who are empowering certain white people, not all certain white people, in a way that allows that behavior because they are complicit in their racism. And as long as you allow those coons to continue doing this, you will always have racism around you. Time will tell whether I'm just crazy or I'm onto something. I suspect that's the reason why racism persists and permeates everything. Because you have too many coons left in the world. But we have unfortunately misdefined them and we have not recognized them for who and what they are so that we can flush them out like quail and eliminate the problem. Truly eliminate the problem at its roots. Us.
[00:54:14] Oh.
