[00:00:00] Foreign. [00:00:05] You're listening to casual talk radio, where common sense is still the norm, whether you're a new or longtime listener. We appreciate you joining us today. Visit [email protected] and now here's your host, Leister. [00:00:21] I have a special treat for you today. [00:00:24] I'm going to be following up on some past coverage I've done. [00:00:28] This is an opinion, my opinion. I hold firm to it. Nobody will change my mind about it. [00:00:35] It's coming from a newspaper. It's, it's surprising to be written in this form. [00:00:41] I understand what they're trying to say, but I find it to be misleading and thus my desire to speak about it. The topic is marriage. [00:00:52] Now, there are people listening, likely to the show, who would scoff at the notion that I of all people would speak about marriage. But we have to understand that definitions don't care about your gender. They don't care about race, creed, color, him nor her. They don't care about your feelings. A definition is a definition is a definition. [00:01:14] And this write up, and it's an opinion piece, but I think it's misunderstanding what a marriage is versus what it was intended to be. [00:01:26] We have to accept what marriage is now, not necessarily what we hope or believe that it should be. [00:01:34] The byline, the title first, A defense of marriage in a Skeptical age. But the byline says the institution of marriage declares the goodness of commitment, love and fidelity. They're not wrong. [00:01:46] What happens when society stops valuing it? [00:01:50] Fine. To ask the question. Okay, I'm actually going to read segments and then I'm going to stop and share some thoughts along the way because I thought it's important. [00:01:59] When I say that they're misinterpreting this or flat out misrepresenting it, I think it'll become clear. Let's jump right in here. And again, I'll stop at points to share my thoughts. [00:02:11] Quote Recent statistics out of the United Kingdom indicate that for the first time in human history, fewer than half of British adults are married. [00:02:20] It is one of the oldest institutions known to humanity. Now, more than four millennia later, marriage could be on the verge of dying out. [00:02:27] Make no mistake, the end of marriage will be a kind of apocalypse. The Greek root of apocalypse means revelation or disclosure. And the end of marriage will be the revelation of a brave new world. [00:02:39] Some realities are so fundamental to human life in society that a world without them can hardly be pictured except in nightmarish visions of dystopian novels at the fringes of our imagination. [00:02:51] These realities include the mother who cradles her baby in her arms, the friends who keep shadows at bay through laughter and song, and the soldier who takes a bullet to save his comrades. [00:03:00] A world without these simple realities loses an irreplaceable element of the human experience. [00:03:05] Stop. [00:03:07] Just that first simple segment. That's why I said it's an opinion piece, it's a fluff piece. [00:03:12] But the first segment is so off rocker, so off kilter, so off putting. [00:03:18] Just that part spurred me to speak about it. Because clearly everything that they're describing, first of all has nothing to do with marriage. These specific traits and paradigms are not about marriage. They have little to do with marriage as an institution. [00:03:38] What they've done is conflated two different situations. In fact, three, if we're honest. [00:03:44] Let's start with the first. [00:03:47] Marriage as a form of relationship. Because that's what it is. It's a. It's a form of relationship. But the concept of a relationship does not require marriage. As we see, there are plenty of single parents out there. [00:04:01] We understand that there are people who raise children who are not married. We understand that there's people who get pregnant who are not married. The idea that children, a mother holding baby in their arms can only be associated to marriage is offensive to certain people. Because you are not required to be married to have a child. Is it preferred? Certainly, but it's not required. Thus, we should not conflate different aspects of society together. We shouldn't commingle the idea that you have to be married or they should be married, that being married is the only way you can result in having a child, because you're offending a whole group of people. The reality is that marriage is becoming less appealing, and I'll talk about that here shortly. [00:04:45] But the reasons are significant and we have to try to understand those reasons, because until we fix them, it's not going to get any better. But it doesn't change the fact that we still have soldiers who take bullets to save their comrades. We still have friends who keep shadows at bay through laughter and song. We still have mothers who. And fathers who cradles babies in their arms. [00:05:08] So nothing's changed. Whether you're married or not. Nothing has changed. This apocalypse narrative is a joke. It doesn't create an apocalypse if people are not married. That's a joke. You're going off this mythical world of union. And it sounds good, but it doesn't apply to every single person for multiple reasons. [00:05:31] Even this scattering of examples falls short of the importance of one reality that forms the pillar of Civilization, since before civilization even had a name. Marriage. That's when a man and a woman proclaim to one another in front of the community, I love you and I will stay with you forever. [00:05:47] This fundamental commitment makes all other commitments possible. It's the contract that undergirds all other contracts. Marriage brings stability to a society because each man and woman plants the tree of their marriage within the larger community, and in due time, it bears fruit. Marriage has long been the means of perpetuating society through giving it new members who can be raised in stable, loving homes, established on the vow of commitment made between husband and wife. [00:06:13] If marriage solemnizes love and brings new life into the community, and it's only because of marriage that the mother holds the baby, the friends sing and rejoice, the soldier lays down his life, and the traveler comes home. It's the lifeblood of society, its foundation and its future. Stop. [00:06:30] Again. [00:06:31] You're combining multiple different things and you're creating your own narrative. And much of it is not true. [00:06:37] Some of it is, but much of it's not. Let's break this whole segment down. [00:06:42] Talking about man brings stability to society, Right? So pillar of civilization, stability of society. [00:06:51] Well, stability in society is less about marriage and more about camaraderie. Your fellow neighbor, your fellow man, being a good neighbor, being a good citizen, these have nothing to do with marriage. [00:07:07] Having, you know, married couples in the community certainly doesn't hurt anything. But I would not argue that it in any way strengthens a community any more than if you have a bunch of single citizens that all are about the community and do their part for the community. I'll give you a great example right now. I. [00:07:27] I am here in a community. [00:07:30] My neighbor to the one side is, I believe, she's a widow. And the neighbor on the other side, she's a widow. And then her kid, her son lives, whatever. He's like 50 years old. But point is, single, single, single, single, single. Are we really suggesting that because of single people that there's less stability in the community? No. In fact, most of the people that are here are here because. And they've been here for years. [00:08:00] They're here because they want to see a stronger community and they want to do their part to strengthen the community. But many of them are older. It's like a retirement community. They're not able to do what they normally would do. I am doing my part. [00:08:13] I have people all the time looking at the property because of the things I'm doing to it, and they see it's going to Increase values for everybody else just because of general curb appeal. We're not doing anything crazy, just general, you know, erosion control. And I have the nicest lawn on the street. Everybody else's lawn has the sunflowers. And the garbage in the mine is pristine. Perfect, because that's what I do. [00:08:37] My tree sprouted back before everybody else's. My lawn came back green before everybody else's. I have decently nice trees around the property. I keep the driveway clean. I have a power washer. I'm swapping the windows out. The windows are best looking. Windows like these are things that I do that they contribute in one key way. They improve the value of other properties around. [00:08:59] And it inspires other people to do more for or our neighborhood and our values. So it's not. It doesn't matter if somebody's married or not, single or not. None of it matters. It's what are you doing to strengthen your community? [00:09:13] Then it goes into this narrative of children. [00:09:17] Once again, marriage has nothing to do with whether you have kids. You're trying to force that, but it doesn't require it. You have single parents all the time. [00:09:26] Is it better for the child to have two people in the household? Absolutely. They don't need to be married. [00:09:32] Does it hurt? No, but they don't have to be. [00:09:35] You're talking about relationships, not marriage. They are two different things. Being in a strong relationship is absolutely a value. It still isn't requirement, but it's a value. Marriage is not a requirement. [00:09:48] So when it talks about proclaiming to one another in front of the community, I love you and I will stay with you forever, yes, you are correct. However, as Jada Pinkett Smith admitted on record, she never agreed and does not agree with the concept of marriage. [00:10:05] Same with Whitney Houston before she passed away. The idea that you're taking these vows and you don't realize what you're getting into, what you're committing to is something that may not be consistent with the way that you think and the way that you feel or the way that you believe. And it's not for everybody. Some people will not work with that level of commitment. The fact that your life changes forever when you do it in multiple ways, you're not able to spend the time with your friends and family that you might want to. We hear countless stories after you get married that you simply lose communal time with your friends and family. You no longer spend the same amount of time that you did before. You don't talk to them on the phone the way you did before. [00:10:49] Sometimes Friends get in the way. I've been in relationships where the friends simply got in the way. They simply got in the way. They were not supportive of the relationship for their own petty reasons. [00:11:01] Now you've created contention between both parties in the relationship. [00:11:06] If you get married, it's even worse because you took vows with that person, not with your friends. So really, you're supposed to be committed to the person you're married to. That means your friends get to kick rocks if they don't like it. [00:11:21] There are many people who can't accept that truth because they cannot accept it. [00:11:26] You see frequent situations where the relationship, the marriage falls apart. [00:11:33] And it's, I would argue, not all the time, but I would argue the vast majority of the time it is the female who came in under one assumption, has friends, gets married, takes those vows, but does not take them full serious. Meaning they're just words. You take them full serious. That means it doesn't matter what your friends have to say about it. [00:11:57] That's why there's a line in there that says, if anybody objects to this union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. That's a serious line. It's saying if your friends don't agree, that's the time to speak up before the union. Because the whole point of the union is your friends no longer have that voice. Your family no longer has influence. Now think of what that means. [00:12:22] That means that if you got married to somebody and you didn't full know that this person is a serial killer, that this person is a rapist, that this person's an abuser, that this person's an alcoholic or whatever it is. If you didn't know, guess what? You're now trapped because you took vows with that person. See, the institution of marriage makes the assumption that you're doing due diligence about the person. Before you walk that aisle, you're doing everything you can to learn about that person, full stop. [00:12:52] A lot of times there are these negative traits that you overlook. And you get married either because it's a shotgun wedding, you know, you got pregnant, and so now the parents kind of pressure you into it. They. That's how Will and Jada was. Will and Jada were pressured by Jada's mom to get married. She pressured Will. She started crying. And so Will was happy to get married. He always wanted to be married. Jada didn't want to be married. They get married now they're committed, but Jada still wants to run the streets. [00:13:21] Now they're stuck that Jada has Kids, she's got a raise, she's a mother. But she has to give up her career to be a mother. She has to change everything that was her. She no longer is what she was. But. But at the core. And she said, I'm a ride or die chick. I'm not marriage material. I'm just that one that got you back and I'm here, but I wouldn't want to be married. I just want to spend time with you. Okay, but when you're in that pressure situation, when you're in these situations where you're making the decision not because it's what you really want to do, but because you're pressured to do it because one got pregnant, because of timing, because of money, taxes, whatever your motivation, and you didn't take the time to understand, that person is not a fit. They might feel like a fit. The sex might be good. They might be a great kisser, whatever your motivation, but were they a fit in marriage? [00:14:13] The vast majority of the time the answer is no. [00:14:18] And people will end up doing one of three things. [00:14:21] Billy Jack Haynes, I don't know if anybody knows. It's a wrestler kills his wife in the 80s. He killed his wife. [00:14:29] Okay? Or you have people who stay married because of these vows, but they're miserable in the marriage, they're not happy, they don't sleep in the same room, they don't act. [00:14:39] So what good was it? You're just. You're tethered. It's ball and chain. The whole term ball and chain becomes real life. Or you end up getting divorced. Look at how many people are getting divorced. You see it on the news. Look at how many people get remarried after getting divorced. They don't learn the first time. I'm not suggesting that marriage is for nobody. I'm saying that the people that get married, vast majority, are not taking the time to really understand what they're getting into. And most of those people, they take these vows not understanding. When you take those vows, you are committing something that you better hold true to. And if you can't hold true to it, it's not going to work out in the long term. [00:15:20] If we step back and try to think about what it is we're trying to achieve, what we're really trying to achieve is the nuclear family. [00:15:29] I don't believe that that has anything to do with marriage. I think it's simply the concept that if you are going to be with somebody, you understand what you're getting into. You do the due diligence necessary. You are with that person, you're committed to that person in whatever way makes sense for you, too, which may not be marriage, or it might be, but make sure it works for both of you. Make sure you think it through before walking the aisle. If you're going to have children, make sure you understand the impact on that child. If you're going to go forward with it, your life is going to change. If you choose to get married. Your life is going to change. If you choose to get married. Your friends and your family no longer have a voice. And once again, and for those saying that's crazy. No, listen to what. You have to listen to what they say. Like, literally, I've never walked the aisle. But you hear it multiple times. It's written all over the place. Listen to what it says during the ceremony, before you've been made husband and wife. It literally says, if there's anyone who objects to this union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. [00:16:40] Let them speak now, as in before they're bonded, or forever hold your peace, as in shut up, say nothing, you lose your voice. [00:16:51] But think of how rigid that is. I'm saying that's the way it is. But think of how rigid it is. It's saying if you don't say something before they're bonded, the bond takes over, not your feelings. Things change, and we understand that. People change, situations change, stress gets in the way, medical situations. There's all sorts of reasons why a marriage fails. [00:17:16] I'm not suggesting that marriages shouldn't or don't fail. I'm saying that you have to mentally accept everything changes when you take those vows. And if they don't speak up at the time before you're bonded, they lose their voice after that because you have now committed yourself to that person. [00:17:35] If you then support getting a divorce, that means you didn't mean what you said in the vows anyway. That's why they have a nonsense term. I'm trying not to swear. A nonsense term called irreconcilable differences. [00:17:50] Irreconcilable differences. So we're saying that differences could not be reconciled, but somehow we didn't know about these things prior to getting married. They know what it is. It's all a money scam. That's what it is. You're enriching a bunch of other people on something where you shouldn't have got separated because you shouldn't have got married in the first place. They know that. So they set up a. A scam, effectively to collect money from you. [00:18:14] Just because you guys can't get along, or because one person cheated or because the money's tight, listen, or kids. [00:18:21] Do whatever you feel like doing. [00:18:24] I'm sharing my opinion. Marriage is not the. The. It's not the ticket. It's not that. It's not for people. It's not the ticket. It's not the key. The key is a strong relationship and a strong understanding from both people in the relationship of what's expected. And if you don't have the strong relationship, it's going to fail irrespective of whether it's a marriage or not. It's all about a strong relationship at the end of the day. And that relationship strengthens everything. It strengthens the community, it strengthens each other. Bonnie and Clyde syndrome. It strengthens your kids. It strengthens family bonds. It strengthens friend bonds. Trust comes into play, has nothing to do with being married. Trusting somebody is simply something you choose to do. You either do it or you don't. If you don't, why are you with that person? [00:19:09] Because you have a need and you're trying to fulfill your need in the way that you know best, in a selfish manner. Not in one where you're coming together as two of a whole and saying, this is on both of us. We have to make this thing work and we have to come together happy and not expect the other person to make me happy. [00:19:30] That's on you. You have to make the choice to come in in the right state of mind. If you're in the wrong state of mind, you don't walk the aisle. And frankly, you shouldn't get in the relationship to begin with. But I understand you crave relationship, you crave attention, you crave company. I get it. [00:19:47] Understand if you choose to go forward all the way to walking that aisle, when you say those vows, understand that you are committing. They're not just throw away, you're committing and you possibly are setting yourself up to be miserable for the next X years. [00:20:05] Castrated, looked at as a failure. There are people, women out there right now because they keep getting divorced. They're perceived as a failure that they can't seem to keep it together. Guess what? It takes two to make that work. So if it doesn't work, that means yes, in some form you failed, but it's just as bad to stay in one that you know is toxic or that you know is dangerous. That's why you have to be thoughtful before you even take that step. Thoughtful before you even make that move. Because once you make the move, you've committed and no matter which way it's going to mess you up your whole life. Changes your relationship with your friends. Change your relationship with your family. Changes your relationship with that other person. Changes your needs for yourself. [00:20:50] Get sacrificed for other people. That's the reality. You can no longer be selfish when you go that route because you took vows that say it's no longer about you, it's now about both of you. And if you can't do that, don't walk the aisle, because you don't have to. [00:21:08] You have to maintain a strong relationship. That's all you really have to do. And that's hard enough, but at least you don't have the commitment that traps you in the ball and chain situation. [00:21:34] Oh.